24 Hour Crisis Helpline: (386) 437-3505 (Voice/TDD/TTY)
Warning Signs of Abuse
The abuser comes in like a whirl-wind saying things like: "You're the only person I can talk to"; "I've never felt loved like this by anyone". The abuser needs someone desperately, and will pressure the victim to commit.
The abuser tries to cut the victim off from all resources. The abuser accuses the victim's friends and family of "causing trouble". If the victim has friends of the opposite sex the abuser is jealous. The abuser does not "allow" the victim to make decisions and not allowed to have friends.
In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, there is an element of degradation, cursing, breaking down any of his/her failures. The abuser may tell the victim that she/he is stupid.
Your family and friends have warned you about him/her and are concerned for you.
At first, the abuser will say that this behavior happens only because the abuser is concerned for the victim's safety. The abuser will be angry if the victim is "late" coming back from an errand or an appointment, the abusers will question the victim closely about where he/she went, and who he/she spoke with. This behavior will escalate into verbal & physical violence.
He is very dependent on the victim for everything. The abuser will say things like: "If you love me, I am all you need; no one will love you like I love you".
The abuser may make mistakes and then blame the victim. The abuser will blame the victim for almost anything that goes wrong. The abuser will tell the victim "you made me mad", "I can't help being angry". "you made me do it," why did you make me hit you?" The abuser will blame the teacher if he/she didn't pass the class, blames law enforcement for getting a traffic ticket or blames his parents for being told that there are chores to be done. The abuser may also blame his/her friends for his/her mood swings.
Hypersensitivity - Easily Insulted
The abuser is easily insulted, claims that his/her feelings are "hurt". The abuser takes the slightest remarks as personal attacks. The abuser will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened to him/her.
Cruelty to Animals or Children
This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering. The abuser may tease children until they cry.
The abuser may say that he only hit someone in the past because they made him do it. The victim may hear from the relatives or friends that the partner was abusive in past relationships.
Threats of Violence
This would include any threat of physical force meant to control the victim. "I'll slap you", I'll kill you", and "I'll break your neck". A batterer will try to excuse his behavior by saying "everybody talks like that".
Breaking or Striking Objects
This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking the victims loved possession) but it is mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may beat tables with fists, throw objects around or near the girl/woman. This is a remarkable behavior; only very insecure people beat on objects in order to threaten someone.
Use of Force During an Argument
This may involve an abuser holding the victim down, physically retraining him/her from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving. The abuser may hold a victim against a wall.
Rigid Sex Roles
The abuser expects a girls/woman to serve him; she must obey him in all things. The abuser will see girls/women
as inferior to men.